A lot of men that come into my club are lonely. But I’m yet to work out whether I feel sorry for them or that they somehow deserve it for bringing it on themselves, or both.
My main customer last night, who I talked about in the previous post, told me that he was lonely after being divorced for 18 months. He had met his wife when he was just 17 and married her at 22. She was the only woman he’d ever been with and she divorced him. It’s pretty sad really. I asked what the single scene was like.
“Awful” he said. “At my age any single woman is single for a reason. They’re all completely batty and any of them who have been married previously have too much baggage.”
He told me what a lovely, kind generous man he was. Of course I agreed with him but there was something about him I didn’t entirely trust. Perhaps it was this confusion:
How can a guy first say he doesn’t want you to take your clothes off because he feels it’s disrespectful to you (in a strip club) but then openly tell you how much he wants you? Or that he want to snog your face off? In a way that he would never say to any other woman he’d just met? And then tell you that he would pay you double what he paid you tonight just to have breakfast with him? Because you’re too good to be a stripper. That’s £400 for breakfast.
I honestly don’t get it. It’s desperation beyond anything I can understand. I even asked him, I couldn’t help myself:
“But wouldn’t you think, if you’re paying me for it, that I’d only be there for the money?”
He said yes but it’d only be the same as what we were doing now at the club. He told me I was only there with him because he was paying (not enough).
“Would you believe me,” I asked, “if I told you I’m not motivated by money?”
“Yes” he said. “I know you’re not.”
I don’t think he really did. I think not being motivated my money is just as confusing to people like him as buying a woman’s time outside of work is to someone like me.
“But the other girls are”, he said. “They’d just grab it without a second thought. But you wouldn’t, you’d spend it wisely like on shoes or a dress or put it in the bank.” I don’t know whether he meant shoes for work or shoes in general.
I still don’t think he got it. Yes that is what I do with money when I have it but how much I have doesn’t bother me. As long as I have enough to get by I really don’t care. There are far more amazing things in this world than money, far more valuable things. Money itself is cold and empty. It’s how you earn and spend it that makes it valuable. And to me earning £400 for having breakfast with a confused lonely man is worth less than having breakfast with a nice lonely man for free.
I asked what money meant to him.
“Profit and loss” he said. Numbers.
I really don’t think paying for someone’s company can cure loneliness. It’s just a temporary fix, like a recreational drug. I am there to entertain not to try and cure people.